nightmares

i'm sure you've heard of that traumatic stress disorder, or whatever it's called, that soldiers get.  they'll wake up with horrible nightmares, in a sweat, and won't be able to get back to sleep.  if you haven't heard of the disorder, than maybe you've watched a movie or show where that happened to a soldier after returning from war.  it's a pretty big deal.  i mean, a lot of people suffer from it.  probably a lot more will suffer in this generation with this war going on and on and on.
well, my husband suffers in a like way, but differently.  he'll wake up from a "nightmare" of him using drugs.  he says they're so vivid and real.  the scariest part for him is that he really believes his body has gone through a high...  after sobering up and taking all the effort to detox...  his heart rate is raised and he feels in every way that he has used. 
so, that sucks.  but that's all i can really say about it, because they're not my dreams and, like a soldier, he doesn't like to talk about them, because then he lives it over again.
but here's what i can say.  last night we were talking about using drugs for some reason, in some context, and he said, "i'm done.  i don't ever want to start again."
that's a big statement.  sometimes, well, maybe a lot of the time, the beginning of rehab is done for someone else.  or for a reason other than, i don't ever want to do drugs again.  i'm so happy that my husband has turned this corner and is thinking this way.  it's a big deal. 
thank you, God!!!