relapse!

in that families in recovery class i went to last month, i learned that when the addict relapses the family automatically goes into a relapse also.  unintentionally reverting their thoughts and actions to just how it was before recovery started.  i found this surprising.  i found it almost absurd.  well, it's true. 
here's what we're going through:
my mr. is doing really well in his recovery.  he's staying sober!  he's staying busy.  he's trying to steer clear of stress and other triggers. 
i, on the other hand, am relapsing.  i have found myself stressing so much about him relapsing that i have taken on a relapse type personality.  i'm grumpy.  no, i'm angry!  i yell.  i bite heads off.  all for no apparent reason!  today it clicked.  if our relationship doesn't feel steady-ready (to me), then i start stressing about relapse.  i haven't given up the control issue.  i'm still rooted in the past.  i need to work on those 12 steps!

insecurities

once someone has broken your trust, you might find it hard to trust them again.  you might find yourself doubting everything that person says to you.  you might find yourself lying to them, because if they lie to you, why should you be truthful to them?  there are several different reactions to loss of trust.  none of them are right or wrong, they're retaliations.  the thing is, we shouldn't retaliate.  there should always be a reason for what we do, and we should ALWAYS look to the Truth. 
so, what does the Bible say?  FORGIVE.   i posted on a different blog a while back about forgiveness and here's an excerpt of it:

forgiveness is one of the hardest things to learn, but once you learn it and reap the rewards of forgiveness... it's such a great tool! 
"Some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth: and they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth.  But when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away."  ~Matthew 13:5-6
"Yet he has no root in himself, but endures only for a while.  For when tribulation or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he stumbles."  ~Matthew 13:21
in our life we will have "rocks" or "stony places" that represent past offenses, circumstances, or persecution for doing what is right. 
when we face these rocks, usually we react many different ways, but usually it will all boil down to us focusing on "why me?"  <PRIDE>
these rocks prevent us from growing because they develop unresolved conflict.  and when conflict is not dealt with, it leads to UNFORGIVENESS and BITTERNESS.
"Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse.  Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.  Be of the same mind toward one another.  Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble.  Do not be wise in your own opinion."  ~Romans 12:14-16
bless means to wish someone well, to desire God's favor on their lives.  curse means to pray against, to call down God's judgment on their lives.  ...when someone "persecutes" you (or does you evil.  makes you mad.  etc.) you need to pray for them.  pray for blessings to be poured over them.  ask God to favor their life and earnestly focus on THEM being HAPPY!
bless those that are PERSECUTING you... identify with the pain and suffering of others.  set proper boundaries for your physical, emotional, spiritual safety.  (GUARD YOUR HEART)
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.'  But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.  That you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust." ~Matthew 5:43-45
sometimes we confuse the feeling of forgiving with the action of forgiving.
there are three stages of forgiving:  to forgive, forgiving, and forgiven.

1. "to forgive" is a choice, an act of the will.  --there's things in life that we have to do (ALL THE TIME) that we don't want to do, or that we don't feel like doing...
2. "forgiving" is a process where your decision to forgive begins to align your emotions.
3. "forgiven" is when the Holy Spirit helps you experience joy when blessings occur to the other person.  (see Romans 12:14-21)

"Repay no one evil for evil.  Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.  If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.  Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord.  Therefore, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."  Romans 12:17-21
when we take retaliation into our own hands, we're taking God's place.  personal retaliation is an ineffective way to accomplish peace.  i will reiterate:  "DO NOT BE OVERCOME BY EVIL, BUT OVERCOME EVIL WITH GOOD." 

i've heard it said that once the trust is broken, it can never be built back.  i disagree.  if you forgive, you can keep trusting.  try it out.  it may happen again and again, but keep forgiving.  keep choosing to love.  let me know what you think...

love

when i was an adolescent i had a great youth pastor.  we had lots of messages about purity and lust and love.  one thing that i was taught at that vulnerable but formidable age was that being "in love" is a choice.  when you know that, it makes it all the more hurtful when relationships don't work.  however, if you've committed yourself to a relationship (such as marriage), it makes it all the more helpful. 
there are times that you won't feel like you love that person, but you can CHOOSE to. 

people make mistakes.  we need to love them anyway.  sometimes the mistake-maker will be you.  you'll want love. 

i wrote a great post on judging people and there was a good deal in it about loving too.  please take a moment, if you will, and read (or re-read) it -or at least the section on love.  it's linked under the text "great post" in the first sentence of this paragraph.  just click and read away.

the cycle of addiction

it's this vicious circle.  the issue is control.  here's the cycle:

1. act out (partake in the addiction / relapse)
2. guilt or remorse for acting out / relapsing
3. shame/depression
4. [re] commitment 
5. performance
6. stress (money, failed expectations, fear, lack of sleep, school/work, relationships, etc.)
7. back to #1

the issue is control.  give it up.  give it to some One else. 

addiction: being enslaved to a habit or practice

"if you do what is right, will you not be accepted?  but if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door.  its desire is to have you, but you must master it."  ~gen. 4:7

following are the notes i took on the message we heard sunday at church:

how do i master my addictions?

(part 3 on a hostage series)

regarding the above verse, there is SOMETHING in your life that is "crouching at your door" and is ready to rule over you.  no matter who you are.  addiction is that sin that crouches, ready to pounce.

"...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,"  ~Heb. 12:1b

"in the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus."  ~Rom. 6:11

1.)  TURN TO GOD!

there needs to be an admission. 

admit that you're addicted. 

admit that you need help. 

you cannot quit on your own. 

"we wait in hope for the Lord;  He is our help and our shield."  ~Ps. 33:20

the pain to continue in your addiction is worse than the pain it will take to stop. 

"if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land."  ~2 Chron. 7:14  (emphasis mine)

2.)  SHARE THE FINAL 10%  (share your burden)

"whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment."  ~Prov. 18:1 (ESV)  (emphasis mine here too)

you must start somewhere. 

you need to share what's happening in your life.  but more importantly what's happening when no one is looking.  that "final 10%" is this:  what you don't want others to know about you.

"therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."  ~James 5:16  (again, i'm doing the emphasizing)

>find accountability

>create a climate of acceptance (not only a safe person, but a safe place)

>keep it in the room (don't violate trust)

i emphasized "righteous person" because it is so important that this accountability partner (sponsor, mentor, etc.) be someone who is grounded in God's word.  a righteous person. 

if you can't think of anyone who fits the bill, pray for God to place someone on your heart.  pray feverishly!

FIGHT FOR FREEDOM! 

your addiction will cost you your life! 

"the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;  I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  ~John 10:10

your addiction will cost you your life!  (just thought i'd slip that in there twice)

"for though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  the weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  on the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds."  ~2 Corinth. 10:3-4

fighting for freedom means:  >crazy obedience.  like get RID of it.  ALL of it.  any FORM of it.  anything that makes you THINK of it.  FLEE!

it means: >confidence in God's Word.  read it!  memorize it.  believe in it.  pray it.

and it also means: >aggressive prayer.  not just asking, rather begging for help!

prayer praises His power.  it honors His authority.  and it humbles the pray-er.

let the Holy Spirit be the only control-er of you. 

besides drugs and alcohol, what are some other forms of addiction??? (in comment section please give some examples)

some acronyms

HALT - hungry, angry, lonely, tired 
4 trigger symptoms for relapse


ok, i guess that's only one.  i am totally running blank on any others right now.  go ahead and comment your own to share with others...

intro message on a message

we went to church on sunday and listened to an amazing message.  our pastor delivered a message on addiction.  can you imagine that?  are there addicts in the church???  uh... yep. 
so, i'm going to work on a post giving some of the great points that were given to us in the message.  AND then i'll do up some posts -probably about 12 posts to be specific- on the 12 steps that are encouraged/required in almost all of the AA, NA, sobriety programs.
sorry i started this great idea-of-a-blog and then tuckered out on it.  i've just had a lot going on in my head, heart, at life.  plus, the weather warmed up wonderfully and i decided to take advantage of it.  it's a good thing i did too, because we're back with the heat on today!