concern

my husband is gone this week.  he's not just out of town, or even in a nearby state...  he's clear across the country.  for six long days.  away from us.  i. am. so. lonely!  well, i'm not really lonely i guess.  i have five fabulous kids keeping me company.  i am missing him!  i am crazy missing him!
i'm a little paranoid too.  i'm worried.  i'll just admit it.  he celebrated his 1 year anniversary the day he flew out.  he had a horrible experience that ended well.  in that ending, he made it to his destination on the day he was supposed to.  praise the lord!
i haven't heard from him NEARLY as much as i have in the past when he's traveled.  in fact, i haven't heard from him as much as i do when he's home.  that concerns me. 
i don't think he anticipated a drug test while he was gone.  well, he got called in for one this morning.  and then he called at about 3 this afternoon on his way to go get it.  he was stressed because he didn't have enough cash and apparently they didn't take the brand of credit cart card we hold.  weird because i was the one who set up the testing center and i asked her what methods of payment she accepted...  i wasn't skeptical though until i tried to call him later this evening and he's not answering his phone.  or the hotel phone. 
i'm freaking out.  i'm honestly freaking out.
pray for me.  pray for him.  please let this be a paranoid pregnant woman's obsessive worry and nothing else.  please let him call me soon. 
he still has two more days 'till i see him.  i don't know if i can wait that long!
...

insecurities

once someone has broken your trust, you might find it hard to trust them again.  you might find yourself doubting everything that person says to you.  you might find yourself lying to them, because if they lie to you, why should you be truthful to them?  there are several different reactions to loss of trust.  none of them are right or wrong, they're retaliations.  the thing is, we shouldn't retaliate.  there should always be a reason for what we do, and we should ALWAYS look to the Truth. 
so, what does the Bible say?  FORGIVE.   i posted on a different blog a while back about forgiveness and here's an excerpt of it:

forgiveness is one of the hardest things to learn, but once you learn it and reap the rewards of forgiveness... it's such a great tool! 
"Some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth: and they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth.  But when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away."  ~Matthew 13:5-6
"Yet he has no root in himself, but endures only for a while.  For when tribulation or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he stumbles."  ~Matthew 13:21
in our life we will have "rocks" or "stony places" that represent past offenses, circumstances, or persecution for doing what is right. 
when we face these rocks, usually we react many different ways, but usually it will all boil down to us focusing on "why me?"  <PRIDE>
these rocks prevent us from growing because they develop unresolved conflict.  and when conflict is not dealt with, it leads to UNFORGIVENESS and BITTERNESS.
"Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse.  Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.  Be of the same mind toward one another.  Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble.  Do not be wise in your own opinion."  ~Romans 12:14-16
bless means to wish someone well, to desire God's favor on their lives.  curse means to pray against, to call down God's judgment on their lives.  ...when someone "persecutes" you (or does you evil.  makes you mad.  etc.) you need to pray for them.  pray for blessings to be poured over them.  ask God to favor their life and earnestly focus on THEM being HAPPY!
bless those that are PERSECUTING you... identify with the pain and suffering of others.  set proper boundaries for your physical, emotional, spiritual safety.  (GUARD YOUR HEART)
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.'  But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.  That you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust." ~Matthew 5:43-45
sometimes we confuse the feeling of forgiving with the action of forgiving.
there are three stages of forgiving:  to forgive, forgiving, and forgiven.

1. "to forgive" is a choice, an act of the will.  --there's things in life that we have to do (ALL THE TIME) that we don't want to do, or that we don't feel like doing...
2. "forgiving" is a process where your decision to forgive begins to align your emotions.
3. "forgiven" is when the Holy Spirit helps you experience joy when blessings occur to the other person.  (see Romans 12:14-21)

"Repay no one evil for evil.  Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.  If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.  Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord.  Therefore, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."  Romans 12:17-21
when we take retaliation into our own hands, we're taking God's place.  personal retaliation is an ineffective way to accomplish peace.  i will reiterate:  "DO NOT BE OVERCOME BY EVIL, BUT OVERCOME EVIL WITH GOOD." 

i've heard it said that once the trust is broken, it can never be built back.  i disagree.  if you forgive, you can keep trusting.  try it out.  it may happen again and again, but keep forgiving.  keep choosing to love.  let me know what you think...

addiction: being enslaved to a habit or practice

"if you do what is right, will you not be accepted?  but if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door.  its desire is to have you, but you must master it."  ~gen. 4:7

following are the notes i took on the message we heard sunday at church:

how do i master my addictions?

(part 3 on a hostage series)

regarding the above verse, there is SOMETHING in your life that is "crouching at your door" and is ready to rule over you.  no matter who you are.  addiction is that sin that crouches, ready to pounce.

"...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,"  ~Heb. 12:1b

"in the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus."  ~Rom. 6:11

1.)  TURN TO GOD!

there needs to be an admission. 

admit that you're addicted. 

admit that you need help. 

you cannot quit on your own. 

"we wait in hope for the Lord;  He is our help and our shield."  ~Ps. 33:20

the pain to continue in your addiction is worse than the pain it will take to stop. 

"if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land."  ~2 Chron. 7:14  (emphasis mine)

2.)  SHARE THE FINAL 10%  (share your burden)

"whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment."  ~Prov. 18:1 (ESV)  (emphasis mine here too)

you must start somewhere. 

you need to share what's happening in your life.  but more importantly what's happening when no one is looking.  that "final 10%" is this:  what you don't want others to know about you.

"therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."  ~James 5:16  (again, i'm doing the emphasizing)

>find accountability

>create a climate of acceptance (not only a safe person, but a safe place)

>keep it in the room (don't violate trust)

i emphasized "righteous person" because it is so important that this accountability partner (sponsor, mentor, etc.) be someone who is grounded in God's word.  a righteous person. 

if you can't think of anyone who fits the bill, pray for God to place someone on your heart.  pray feverishly!

FIGHT FOR FREEDOM! 

your addiction will cost you your life! 

"the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;  I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  ~John 10:10

your addiction will cost you your life!  (just thought i'd slip that in there twice)

"for though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  the weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  on the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds."  ~2 Corinth. 10:3-4

fighting for freedom means:  >crazy obedience.  like get RID of it.  ALL of it.  any FORM of it.  anything that makes you THINK of it.  FLEE!

it means: >confidence in God's Word.  read it!  memorize it.  believe in it.  pray it.

and it also means: >aggressive prayer.  not just asking, rather begging for help!

prayer praises His power.  it honors His authority.  and it humbles the pray-er.

let the Holy Spirit be the only control-er of you. 

besides drugs and alcohol, what are some other forms of addiction??? (in comment section please give some examples)

how could you have not known

this is a question that i asked myself a hundred times a day after i first found out the truth: my husband was using drugs.
other questions that were going through my head:  are you stupid?  what have you got yourself into?  what in the world are you going to do now?  how are you going to support five kids as a stay-at-home mom?  what are you going to tell the kids?  what are you going to tell everyone else?  how in the heck is this possibly happening to you?!  and then again:  how could you have not known?!

short answer: naivety.  i have always been naive.  hopefully this shakes a little of it out of me!

other answers: 

• i trusted him.  i love my husband and i trust easily.  it wasn't hard at all for me to trust the man i love!
• i've never been around drugs.  i had no idea what obvious signs were flashing in front of me because i knew nothing about those drugs!

and that's about all i could come up with.  but it's that simple:  i was naive.  i was trusting.  and i was ignorant.