suicide

there's been an epidemic (well, that might be an exaggerated term) of suicides around here.  there's been about four that we are aware of and "close" to.  not that any of our close friends have killed themselves, but people that we know about or know through someone.  that's a lot and they've all been addicts. 
that definitely puts a little higher stress on recovery, but it also puts an awareness of the seriousness of what we're dealing with in the forefront of my mind. 
my mr. is sober.  i'm happy about that.

love

when i was an adolescent i had a great youth pastor.  we had lots of messages about purity and lust and love.  one thing that i was taught at that vulnerable but formidable age was that being "in love" is a choice.  when you know that, it makes it all the more hurtful when relationships don't work.  however, if you've committed yourself to a relationship (such as marriage), it makes it all the more helpful. 
there are times that you won't feel like you love that person, but you can CHOOSE to. 

people make mistakes.  we need to love them anyway.  sometimes the mistake-maker will be you.  you'll want love. 

i wrote a great post on judging people and there was a good deal in it about loving too.  please take a moment, if you will, and read (or re-read) it -or at least the section on love.  it's linked under the text "great post" in the first sentence of this paragraph.  just click and read away.

familiarity

{a previous post with pictures removed to create a little more anonomisty}

i wonder if the word family actually came from, or was derived from, the word familiarity...

wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, defines family as "In human context, a family (from Latin: familiare) {really, i didn't know this when i wrote the above sentence!} is a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity, or co-residence. In most societies it is the principal institution for the socialization of children. Extended from the human "family unit" by affinity, economy, culture, tradition, honor, and friendship are concepts of family that are metaphorical, or that grow increasingly inclusive extending to nationhood and humanism."
i grew up in a large family.  well, there were four of us kids. 

(we're all married now and have multiplied our family of six to 19!  this was jan. '09.) 

my dad had six kids in his family, all but one procreated, and my mom had four kids in her family, all of which had at least two offspring.  i have 36 living relatives (grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins,) and that's NOT counting any of my cousin's spouses or their children, or step-cousins that aren't related biologically.  compared to a lot of people (especially those whose families stayed together -meaning a low or no divorce rate-) we even have a large extended family.

my mr. is an only child.  he was raised by his mom.  she was single part of the time, but even when she was married, the husband didn't do much raising of little otter pop.  he has one ex-step-dad that he feels influenced him and that influence inadvertently lead him to the marine corps.  his mom had four kids in her family, but she was at the tail end of them with a span of at least one decade (i think it might actually be two) between her and the eldest.  one of her siblings died at a fairly young age and his family has rather separated from the others.  the remaining sisters each had at least two kids.  he has 6 living relatives that i know of.  now granted, i do know his biological father has some siblings and he surely has some cousins from them -and i didn't count ANY of them (including his dad)... but i'm just counting close biological family here.  he may argue that they should count because i know he doesn't know all of my cousin's names or faces... but it's my blog, 'k?! 

all this to explain that his family is almost the exact opposite as mine as far as size goes.  HE is almost the exact opposite as ME as far as almost everything goes. 

we were diolouging the other day/week/whatever about this.  it is kinda funny really.  please let me elaborate my humor: 

i grew up with my large family in a farmhouse out in the country of a little town in idaho called jerome.  jerome, when i grew up there, was very small, white, and quiet.  not much happened there and there wasn't much crime or trouble.  as i got older, that changed a bit and it's one of the reasons i asked my parents if i could change schools in high school.  they then placed me in a tiny, very conservative christian school.  needless to say, i didn't have much (if any) negative influence (drugs, alchohol, sex, gangs, etc.) as i grew up!  we lived in the same home almost my entire life.  we moved there when i was almost 3, or just 3, i don't know for sure.  i don't remember that, nor do i remember ANYTHING about the house we lived in before that.  my parents changed jobs no more times than the number of digits i have on any of my limbs.  my parents married before i was born (before any of my siblings were born) and are still married today.  most of my extended family didn't live close.  only one uncle stayed in our same town (although on the complete opposite side of town.  out in the country also.), but i will claim that we still held a close knit family.  my paternal grandparents lived about 5 miles from us and they would host many family gatherings at their farm and we would have annual family reunions for that side as well.  my maternal grandparents lived in another small idaho town, buhl, a little less than an hour (most of my growing up years.  there's a shortcut now.) away.  they also would host many family gatherings at their home and we saw that side of the family fairly often -some cousins more than others, but i didn't feel all too distant from any of them.  and lastly, i'm a girl!
mr. hubbalubs grew up all over the united states.  he changed schools at least twice every year.  he called las vegas his home because that's where his ENITRE [extended] family has stayed.  he was born in las vegas (one of the biggest cities in the US) and it's always where he and his mom would retreat to when things weren't going as planned, or hoped.  when growing up in las vegas, he lived IN the city and in the "bad side of town".  he was surrounded by drugs, alchohol, gambling, strippers, prostitutes, bums, all sorts of sin, and culture.  (he was the only white kid in his neighborhood!)  his mom changed jobs as frequently, if not more, than they moved.  when he was living in vegas, he would see his family at least once a week... he hung out with his cousins mostly because they were his only constant.  he was never at a school long enough to make any friends.  i'm not exadurating here, in fact, i could elaborate more but i think the point has been made:  my man and i are as different as night and day.  oh, and lastly, he's a boy!
but, like night and day, we go together.  seven of us together, makes one week!!!  :)  hehehe 
no, but really... we go together!  we complete eachother.  where he lacks, i strengthen and where i lack, he strengthens.  he lifts me up and i lift him up.  God made me for him and him for me!  God is SO awesome... He never ceases to amaze me with His LOVE!

recently we took the quiz on our love languages.  it might be irony, but i'd rather give the glory to God, that our results were almost exactly number for number the same!  i am certain that God made him for me and me for him.  we know how to love eachother in a way that we accept love in the right amounts.  we know what to do to make the other feel loved and we do...  when all is going wrong, i can find my lover and feel right.  when i'm stressed, i can usually call my lover and be calmed.  and the same goes for him.  when he's hot, i'm cold.  when he's cold, i'm hot. 
...  ... ... ... ... what's the point here?  ... ... ... ... ...
i can't imagine my life without him, nor do i want to.  he IS MY familiarity.  HE is my FAMILY! 
and, while i've got your attention, i'll just mention that we make some darn cute kids!!!!!

some examples of how it used to be

on my mr's days off he used to hang out with us (the family) for about half a day and then randomly have a real urgency to go do something:  run an errand*, fix something of someones, meet up with someone, check out a blank (fill in the blank with ANYTHING), help someone with something.... 
he, then, wouldn't come home for hours.  and when i say hours, i really mean hours:  10-12-14 sometimes.

my mr has always been "good" at keeping busy doing things.  however, weirdly enough it never seemed that anything ever got done.  for instance he'd clean his garage all day long and when i'd go out to visit with him after i'd put the kids to bed it'd still look like a hurricane had hit it.  also another for instance is that with a family as large as ours, there is always a daddy-do (otherwise known as a honey-do) list a mile long.  he'd always be working on stuff but the list would NEVER shorten!!!

my mr used to stay up until the wee hours of the morning tinkering in his garage.  when his addiction got really bad (after months of unemployment) he'd get mad when i'd come out to visit him in the garage at night.  at the time i just never really understood it.  he'd chat with me for a short time while he was tinkering and then, out of no where, just say, "i'll be in in a little bit."  which was my cue to go inside.  i'd talk with him about it and he'd say that he just felt like i was pestering him to come inside.  after explaining that i didn't care if he was in the garage, i was just trying to spend some time with him, he allowed me out there for longer periods but the truth was that i actually needed some sleep where he didn't (literally, because of the drugs -i found out later).  he'd ask me to come out and tell him when it was 11... then 12... then "i'll be in in a few minutes, honey.  i'm just cleaning up."  and he'd come in at 3 or 4. 

both me and my man are sleepers.  we're the type that can go to sleep around 9 and (if the kids would allow) get up at 9 the next morning.  when he's off of drugs, he's like that with me.  we even like naps during the day.  when he's on drugs it's a different schedule.  he'll stay up, like i said, until 3 or 4 and then jump out of bed with the alarm at 6:45 or 7.  it would make sense that after weeks of this, then he would spend [almost] a whole 'nother week sleeping!

my mr. would sit and stare at this computer for ABSOLUTELY no reason for hours.  it's not like he was looking at pictures, or reading interesting articles, learning how to fix this or that, or playing those cyber-games.  he was not catching up with facebook or blogging...  he'd just open up craigslist and browse through ads.  for HOURS!

i used to just be used to being stood up.  not on occasion, but as the usual.  he's say he'd be home at a certain time, but not come home for several (up to 8) hours.  we'd set up dates that never happened.  he'd plan lots of excursions with me and the kids...  ending in disappointment 95% of the time.  he got to were he just wouldn't plan ("afraid that it wouldn't go through and we'd all be disappointed in him" -his words).  i just started thinking he was afraid of commitment... not so much the case. 

he'd agree to plans with our friends and then decide we'd rather not, or he'd get one of those random urges to go run a quick errand*.  and then never come back.  i became the queen of excuses to our friends. 

he was one of those people that always was in the middle of something when you'd call.  and he'd "call you right back".  never to hear from him again.  that was IF he'd answer the phone in the first place.

he had the worst luck!  (or worst excuses?)  he'd break down, lock the keys in the car, run out of gas, run into someone that needed help/was stranded...  being a mechanic, it sucked to be his wife.  he'll go out of his way to help others (and this IS TRUE), so i still don't know which excuses were real and which were made up. 

he'd lie.  whether he needed to or not.  he'd lie.  to anyone, anywhere, about anything.  lies!

...there's some insight into how life used to be.  life with a drug addict.  how could i have not known, right?!  ...yeah...

i love my man

one thing i love about recovery is enjoying time together.  every minute together is a blessed occurance.  and i love it!